Small talk in this period of gloomy days

No organization for what I'm typing here. I just type what comes to mind.

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What I'm experiencing let me know I'm a human. Letting myself to be human is the first step of acceptance. Today I tried to talk to God and myself. It is not as smooth as I imagined. Yet I could clearly experience how messy my self-interruption and self-critiques were. I felt so helpless that I did not know where to begin with, and where to go. That's ok, at least I tried. Let's do it bit by bit. Just never stop trying.

Let's list the interruptions and defenses so I will be more aware in the coming days.

• Sleepiness or the urge to sleep
• "Don't stop. Find things to do. Don't let yourself think."
• Black-out
• Surfing the net (TV programmes & Facebook)
• "I am busy" (the preoccupying anxiety) "Don't waste time thinking about all those useless things."
• Punishment of wasting time "You deserve the helplessness and anxiety."
• Frightening myself "You can't do it."
• Avoid talking about avoidance or how I feel recently
• Avoid doing mindfulness

Sometimes I think what I'm experiencing is what my clients are experiencing. Good to know how it is like in this.