Be a loyal servant

My mind is so overwhelmed that I cant organize my thoughts well. So sorry for that.

I really dun want to be trapped in this situation. Now I tell myself, I gotta move on. No matter how unacceptably terrible the past is, I should never be dragged back by those memories. I can do nothing to change the time that have already slipped away, I can grab the future which is what I can make change of now. I dun want to push myself into the regrets deeper.

I tried to encourage myself by diffirent means, but then I fell into disappointment again. I did realize and understand that I shouldn't just stay in the blues. I just repeated the exhausting process: standing up to walk a few steps and falling with tiredness. There seemed no one could completely understand how helpless I was to struggle. I hate myself for being a useless doll having no power to get through the choke point. I hate myself for not understanding who I was in this area. That's quite a hopeless world when it comes to the studying. That's a wall I could never jump over as it is just as high as the sky.. I CANT make it. I cant.

Fortunately, I have GOD. I've been silly that I forgot I still have GOD. How frustrating, confusing the situation is, GOD is the light always shining on me. He understands how I feel. He knows what I really need, some are the things that I dun even know myself. In him, I can do everything. For him, I must learn how to do everything just for his honour. He comforted me, strengthened me. Now I know I can make it. I can see the world behind the wall through a tiny hole which I havent recognized before. I feel so sorry to mess my life up. Everything in my life, studying with no exception, is the things that GOD wants me to manage well. How much GOD gave me, how much I should pay back to him. Always remember that with GOD's company, I can make it. I cant fall short of his expectation. I know when GOD saw me putting myself in darkness, he was hurt. If I treat GOD in such a cruel way again, I cant forgive myself. I AM FOUND ..AGAIN..

PS. Show my sincere apology to GOD! Sorry sorry sorry. SO SORRY/